Effectively representing domestic abuse/intimate partner violence (IPV)[1] victim-survivors requires exemplary soft skills, such as active listening, clear communication, patience, and compassion.
Intimate partner violence is a pattern of controlling behavior that includes threats, psychological manipulation, verbal degradation, financial coercion, sexual abuse, physical abuse, educational deprivation, spiritual abuse, stalking, and other tactics to control a partner. IPV can occur between individuals who are dating, separated, divorced, or married.[2]
Wisconsin’s legal definition of domestic abuse is much narrower, which limits the actions an attorney can take on behalf of their clients.
“Domestic abuse” means any of the following engaged in by an adult family member or adult household member against another adult family member or adult household member, by an adult caregiver against an adult who is under the caregiver’s care, by an adult against his or her adult former spouse, by an adult against an adult with whom the individual has or had a dating relationship, or by an adult against an adult with whom the person has a child in common:
- Intentional infliction of physical pain, physical injury or illness.
- Intentional impairment of physical condition.
- A violation of s. 940.225 (1), (2) or (3) [sexual assault statute]
- A violation of s. 940.32. [stalking statute]
- A violation of s. 943.01 [criminal damage to property statute], involving property that belongs to the individual.
- A threat to engage in the conduct under subd. 1., 2., 3., 4., or 5.[3]
Every case of IPV has its own unique circumstances and facts, but as a whole, survivors tend to be strong individuals who carry around the heavy aftermath.
This article shares five essential tips for practitioners working with clients who have experienced IPV. These insights are drawn from personal history of growing up in a home with domestic abuse, over a decade of volunteering and interning with domestic abuse agencies in Minnesota and Wisconsin, and my professional experience representing survivors of IPV.
Tip 1: Believe the Survivors
IPV survivors are often put down by their abusers, repeatedly told they are worthless, and told that nobody will believe them or help them. This manipulation can make survivors believe they are not worthy of help and act as a physiological barrier.
Regardless of the tactics, survivors are often left feeling isolated and that their individual personhood is stripped by their abuser. It is incredibly powerful when you tell a survivor you believe them and the abuse is not their fault. Feeling believed and heard helps facilitate trust, which is key for the attorney-client relationship.
Tip 2: Listen Actively
Active listening is a critical skill for attorneys in general, but it is especially important when representing an IPV survivor, because they are often used to their thoughts and feelings being ignored and belittled.
True active listening means ensuring that you are meeting in a physical environment where the survivor feels safe and there are no distractions, giving the survivor your full attention, and repeating details back to show you are really hearing the individual.
Tip 3: Explain the Process
Many survivors have never been involved in the legal system and do not know what to expect.
This is on top of common psychological conditions related to IPV victimization such as anxiety, depression, and PTSD/C-PTSD. Symptoms of these conditions exacerbate the feelings of uncertainty and apprehension related to the court process.
When I represent survivors, I explain the court process in detail, print out a photograph of a courtroom, and explain who all the players are. If you can take your client to a courtroom before the first case appearance, that is even better.
While you often cannot predict what will happen in court or the judge’s decisions, you can provide visuals, explain who will be in the courtroom and their roles, and the legal process. In essence, I always tried to ensure there were as few surprises as possible.
Tip 4: Empower Survivors’ Decision-making
In addition to the tactics discussed above, abusers often strip away at a survivor’s autonomy and decision-making abilities. In some instances, abusers controlled what the survivor wore, whether they were able to work, finances, who they could talk to, and where they could go.
After years in this environment, survivors can emerge with “decision overwhelm.” I use this term to describe the overpowering, paralyzing feeling that survivors can feel when they are out of the relationship and are able to think freely.
Survivors may look to their attorneys for decisions because they are not accustomed to being allowed to make decisions on their own nor was their perspective valued. Not only are there ethical requirements, but empowering survivors to make decisions about their lives is an important step in recovery.
I often tell my clients that it is not my job to make decisions for them, nor do I have their lived experience. Instead, my role is to thoroughly explain your options, answer your questions, and empower you to drive your life.
Tip 5: Think Holistically
On average, it takes survivors seven attempts to leave an abusive relationship.[4]
Once a survivor leaves, they often need assistance beyond what we can provide as attorneys. For example, a survivor may need mental health counseling; assistance finding housing, clothing, food, or other basic items; and help finding employment.
In these instances, I recommend making a warm handoff to community organizations, nonprofits, mental health providers, or other applicable resources. A “warm” handoff means doing more than handing the survivor a list of resources. Traditional methods can be ineffective with survivors because they are facing numerous barriers, it is challenging for them to ask for help, and can be overwhelming for them to navigate the resources. Taking a moment to make a warm introduction and offer compassion can go a long way.
Conclusion
Representing IPV survivors is not only about legal strategy – it is also about creating safety, clarity, and dignity in every interaction. When attorneys lead with belief, patience, and empowerment, they can strengthen the attorney-client relationship and help survivors move forward with fewer surprises and more control over their next steps.
Please Note: All views expressed in this article are my own and are not a reflection of my employer or the State Bar of Wisconsin.
This article was originally published on the State Bar of Wisconsin’s Public Interest Law Section Blog. Visit the State Bar sections or the Public Interest Law Section web pages to learn more about the benefits of section membership.
Endnotes
[1] I am using the terms “intimate partner violence” and “domestic abuse” interchangeably. ↩
[2] Domestic Violence 101, End Domestic Abuse Wisconsin. ↩
[3] Wis. Stat. § 813.12(1)(am). The criminal statue, Wis. Stat. section 968.075, has almost the same definition. ↩
[4]50 Obstacles to Leaving, National Domestic Violence Hotline. ↩